15 Strangers AU - Post-Execution -> Deadland

[godspiousjasper]

[ Once Zero agreed on who was to be his executioner?

Roland absolutely let it happen, resigned to his fate and whole-heartedly accepting whatever method Hubert chose. There was no running. Infact, he vaguely remembered hearing the other man make a request to Zero to let everyone who didn't want to see this leave early. He was only focused on those cold, angry eyes.

Then the sharp gleam of the blades caught his gaze, moments before one lashed out. Another followed. Pain wracked his body each time a cut was made, and at some point something was poured onto the blades. Something that caused a vicious, stinging burning sensation which lingered but no matter how much pain seared every nerve?

He didn't run. He didn't complain. It was something he deserved.

Roland didn't know how long he was there, or how many cuts soon covered his body. It was only as those cuts grew deeper, more ferocious that he began to feel light-headed and a particularly deep cut to his thigh had him falling back onto the floor. Another glanced along his collarbone, two more into his chest deeply, blood beginning to darken bright blond locks an ugly crimson color.

Arms. Legs. Chest. Probably some on his back by now.

So much blood. A searing, fierce burning agony. A laugh bubbled up from deep within his throat. He could repent this way. Good. Green eyes began to turn a bit glassy, coughing up some blood. No longer did he have the strength to move his limbs, and Roland was infinitely glad that Alastor hadn't stuck around to see this. Vaguely he could hear Hubert speaking to him, vision spinning but he couldn't form any words.

Steps. One. Two. Three.. coming closer. ]

Hu...bert..

[ That was all he could say, vision swimming but registering that Hubert knelt near him. A flash of something silver in his hand and Roland closed his eyes, just as a sharp, quick pain lanced across his throat. It hurt, and he was... so, SO cold. He choked on the air he couldn't take in, and death finally came quick.


What felt like mere seconds later? Roland's eyes snapped open and he sucked in a breath, but he didn't immediately move. What was this? It wasn't heaven... good. He was where he belonged. It'd take some time before he even wanted to move, though not even sure this afterlife was something even he deserved after everything that had transpired. ]

...How cruel... O Lord you truly have indeed forsaken me...

Comments

[godspiousjasper]

...What? Why would you say that?

[ It wasn't playing stupid or anything of the sort, but a genuine sort of genuine curiosity. Her response had been truthful, honest and raised so, SO many more questions. ]

Ah... I suppose you are right. [ He paused, expression a touch morose for a moment. ] If you'd like to hit me or anything for... what I did, I would not blame you for it.

[exequte]

I didn't expect to be anywhere, Roland. I expected to vanish. That's what happens when you die.

[She sounds... a little tired, maybe. Drained.]

Well, not here, I guess.

Heaven is a very nice concept, if you believe in it. It's always seemed to me like it's a lot better not to blindly hope that something better is waiting for you. You have to do what you can to make the better thing happen. Nothing is ever just given to you, especially not something absurd like an eternity of bliss.

[godspiousjasper]

You expected to... vanish?!

[ While it's an extremely far cry from his usual attitude? He couldn't help but feel a little at odds here, hearing what she was saying. Years of a religious upbringing were quickly kicking in, if only out of pure habit more than anything else. ]

Of course nothing is ever given to you so easily. [ A soft sigh and he went to reach up for his cross but stopped himself short. ] It's not a matter of blind faith but doing the right things as a believer of god. Believe in him, be righteous and do good things for others. If you live your life purely and honestly, then when you die? Your soul will pass to heaven and receive his blessing.

[ It's spoken more like he's reciting things now, lacking a LOT of his usual enthusiasm. ]

I always followed his will. Every sinful vampire met an end to my blade and his guiding light gave me purpose... but the second I strayed away and took a human life? I forfeited the right to pass on to Heaven.

[exequte]

You said it yourself, just now.

I really don't believe in God.

[Doing the right thing as a believer in God....]

[godspiousjasper]

[ Just give him a moment. This is a bit much. A look of genuine shock flashed across his face, one hand now just pressing against his chest as if truly scandalized by the sheer idea. ]

Have you always thought this or... did something happen to change your perspective?

[ Since the idea just seemed so unfathomable that someone could possibly spend their entire lives not believing in god. ]

[exequte]

[She regards him for a moment in silence before speaking.]

If God existed, then why was a 12 year old girl allowed to be kidnapped, locked in an incinerator, and burned alive? Isn't that taking "suffer the little children" a bit too literally?

[godspiousjasper]

[ For just a second he looks like he wanted to intensely argue his point, but then he remembered the conversation he had with Zero and the fact there were different worlds with different gods. Which makes him feel disappointed in the god that must preside over her world. ]

The God I believe in would never allow such atrocities like that to happen, as while he enacts trials for his people to endure that will make them stronger? He never would want undue suffering to occur in such a manner as that.

[ In the back of his mind, Roland knew if his god were present here? He would have given him a sign somehow. Something that would have changed the events that had occurred here. ]

It feels as if your God unjustly turned his back on you, though it's not your fault. You never should have experienced any of that, especially at such a young age.

[exequte]

Or it means that God doesn't actually exist.

Either way, I'm not sure it matters. Not really.

[godspiousjasper]

I... [ Definitely not going to think about that. It'd go against everything he's ever known. ] In this matter, no. It doesn't matter much.

[ This has to be progress, right? The old him that he used to be would have fought harder on this matter, but for now he's willing to let things go. ]

... For what it is worth, Hubert truly cares about you. Out of everyone there? He appeared to have taken events worse than anyone else.

[exequte]

[That answer, of all of the possibilities, surprises her. It feels like a peace offering, for all that this isn't really a fight, and she takes it as such. She shifts slightly, settling, curling up until her arms are wrapped around her knees. She doesn't look happy, exactly, but at least she looks less afraid.]

Hubert is... he's a good friend, and a good man, no matter what he thinks of himself. I hope... I hope he didn't take it... too hard.

[There's a long pause before she speaks again.]

A... and... and you are too, I think. Or... I guess I'm not sure I'm you friend anymore, but... it's obvious that it... h-hurt you too.

[godspiousjasper]

[ Naturally he would NEVER utter his thoughts about how he highly suspected Hubert was the fabricator here, given how Akane's body had been moved to the Chapel and the downright pointed, angry looks the man had given him the entire time. It'd hurt too much to hear something like that from him while they were here. ]

He did. I... know that better than anyone else. [ A hand came up to his neck, rubbing at it idly. ] He asked Zero to let the others leave so they didn't have to watch when... he executed me.

[ One could argue it was torture but he'd been fine with it as he believed he deserved it. Then it finally sunk in what she'd said to him and his eyes widened. ]

A-Ah... I... How can you still think of me as a friend after... [ His breath caught in his throat. Yeah. The hurt was still there, without a doubt. ] after what... I did to you. I want to be but how do I even deserve your friendship after that...?

[exequte]

I... wasn't sure you'd want to be.

But....

But you were... trapped. You didn't have any good choices. I...

Something like that is always hard.

[godspiousjasper]

I... Don't be ridiculous... of course I want to.

[ A bitter laugh escaped him, emotions coming back up like a tidal wave as his head bowed forwards. ]

I was... afraid, Akane. To... not do anything meant watching my closest friend of over a decade be... [ He had to take a second, exhale a breath and keep going. ] I didn't want to watch him die. If I lost him... I don't know what i'd have done with myself...

[ That same anguished expression fell across his face as he had before, with the knife in his hand. Everything beginning to now all come out at once. ]

I'm so sorry... I wasn't thinking. I... I just... you were so lonely and sad without them and I... used that as a justification for what I was going to do. I couldn't even make it painless and you suffered so much...

[exequte]

I... I know.

[She bows her head too, curling inwards a little closer, and she looks so very small like this, in here, just a tiny huddled in form in the middle of this massive chamber.]

But....

But you're good. You were still... You still tried to be good. Even when....

I didn't... d-didn't want to... to die. But....

Sometimes we don't... get what we want, do we?

And at least.... At least if you had to do that to me, then... everyone else... all the hostages....

My life.... That's probably a small price to pay in trade, right? And maybe things can end. Maybe they'll... maybe they'll figure out a way to keep everybody safe.

[godspiousjasper]

[ Even here, when he had been the one to take her life? She was the one speaking kind words that rung with truth to them, still knowing that in the end he'd tried to be good with his actions.

Roland truly had believed that an unkind person would have just let her slowly die, prolonging her suffering on the way to death. He still was beating himself up for what he'd done and she still thought of him as a good person, so didn't that mean he wasn't completely irredeemable? ]

The... hostages should be safe now. Olivier and your brother included.

[ He pushed himself up enough so he could get up and walk over the short distance to her, sitting near her but not moving any closer than that incase it bothered her at all. ]

I believe in everyone there. They'll manage to keep the rest of them safe and find a way to fix everything.. but... as for what you said before? [ Roland nodded slowly. ] Thank you for still seeing the good in me, even if a part of me doesn't quite believe I deserve it.

[exequte]

I know.

[Her voice is very small, and though her face is hidden, her voice is thick as though with tears.]

A-and that's... that's good. At least.... At least there's that much.

[And she doesn't pull away from him, though she also doesn't move closer.]

[godspiousjasper]

Your life has a lot of value to it, Akane. It's worth more than you think.

[ While such may not be of much consolation he can't help but try and offer this much to her. Especially since he's sure she's crying but it doesn't feel like it's his place anymore to be able to offer her comfort. ]

So many others on that ship likely would have given anything to be the one in your place now. To be the one killed so you could have lived.

[exequte]

I....

[She hesitates at that, because it's not like she can say she's glad it was her, because she isn't. She hadn't wanted this. Didn't want it still. But here they were, right? And so there was nothing to do but to move forward.]

I think....

I think we must still be here for a reason. So maybe it's not the end. Not really.